Over the past year or so, I’ve put on over 10kg. Now, that might not seem like an incredible number, and, well it’s really not, but, the thing is – I’m not only 10kg overweight. I’ve had around 20kg to lose for years and have – for the most part – been quite happy living with them and being the size I was.
I say “was”, as I’m not happy with the size I now am. The addition of those 10kg has changed me from a pretty comfortable curvy girl, into someone who is no longer happy looking in the mirror. I’m now able to actually feel the specific, extra areas of fat. My double chin. The fat that has accumulated around my knees. My wider back.
And, yes, I’m still working out how body positivity fits into all of this. One on hand, my body hasn’t stopped me rocking a red swimsuit or wearing sequins, but it has prevented me from living life in other ways.
So, what now?
Simply, I want to lose 25kg. I don’t want to be out of breath climbing up a flight of stairs. I don’t want to turn down hikes with friends because I know I won’t make it 10 minutes in. I want to be able to move my body comfortably. To live life comfortably.
That might seem like a large number, but, to be honest, I weigh a lot more than you probably think I do. I’ve been told I “wear it well” or “hide it well”. Hopefully one day I’ll be brave enough to share that number with you. If we’re talking medically or in terms of BMI, I’d put myself at around 40kg overweight. But, that’s not a number I’m aiming for.
I want to start moving again – as outlined in this post – for the joy of it, as a way of helping my body, not as a way of punishing it. And, obviously, eating better – perhaps my biggest hurdle to face.
While I know it will take a lot of work from my side, I am overwhelmed and feel this is not something I can tackle alone. I’m seriously looking into Body Renewal’s Medical Weight-Loss Programme, and getting back into Crossfit – the only exercise I feel has ever really resonated with me.